What indeed? It’s the eternal question, the question that troubles us all when the holiday season rolls around again. As the song says, your choices are limited. I mean, it’s not like Chewbacca needs candlesticks, or a gravy boat, or a gift certificate to Bath & Body Works.

But perhaps we’re all guilty of putting Chewie in too small a box. Maybe he’d love some lavender bath salts.

“What Can You Get a Wookiee” appeared in 1980 as part of the Christmas In The Stars: Star Wars Christmas Album and actually became a minor hit when released as a single. The album may appear to be nothing more than a cash grab, but the primary songwriter, Maury Yeston, later won two Tony Awards for Best Original Score (for Nine in 1982 and for Titanic in 1997). So some semblance of talent was involved. Along with a great deal of silliness.

The B-side of the single, titled “R2-D2, We Wish You A Merry Christmas,” is notable for featuring Jon Bon Jovi as lead vocalist in his first professional recording. Ultimately, of course, he decided to choose a different path, leaving others to reap the rewards of singing seasonal sci-fi novelty songs. More’s the pity.

I’ll leave the last, um, words, to the wookiee.